Some Rolling Stones fans have banded together and are demanding changes to the way the group tours. The Rolling Stones Liberation Front is threatening non-violent, disruptive action to get across their demands, which are:
1) WE WANT SMALLER VENUES: We believe the time has passed for gargantuan mega-arena spectaculars; hardly anything good comes from these soulless shows... The introduction of the considerably smaller B-stage set up in the middle of the venue at the end of 1994's Voodoo Lounge tour was a perfect step toward this philosophy.
2) WE WANT LOWER TICKET PRICES: We believe it is unacceptable to charge up to $350 for a single ticket... We believe a band needing to charge $85 -- $100 for upper balcony seats is a band no longer in touch with their fan base. We demand the ticket price for the next tour to be no more than $30 and without any and all service charges.
3) WE WANT A SET LIST OVERHAUL: With an immense back catalog of songs to choose from, there is no reason why The Rolling Stones need to stick to roughly the same 30 songs for every tour... We demand the following songs not to be played on the next tour: "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction," "Brown Sugar," "Honky Tonk Women," "Start Me Up," "Sympathy for the Devil."
4) WE WANT THE ELIMINATION OF THE HORN SECTION AND BACK-UP SINGERS: We believe The Rolling Stones have drifted too far from the true and basic rock and roll aesthetic. It's time to bring it back, back at least to the hugely successful 1978 Some Girls tour.
5) WE WANT THE EXPULSION OF ALL OPENING ACTS: We believe The Rolling Stones have stopped challenging themselves. There was a time when they would bring an opening band talented enough to challenge the Stones themselves, who, in turn, would have to step it up even further... How challenging can it be to follow Third Eye Blind? How challenging can it be to follow Jonny Lang or the god damn Spin Doctors?
6) WE WANT ALL FANS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES: We believe the fault also lies with fans willing to do the bidding of their favorite band, no matter the cost. How many suckers does it take to fill an auditorium? Ask The Rolling Stones... We urge all self-respecting Rolling Stones fans to heed our warnings and join our ranks. Don't be taken for granted... Why give them more of our money and then settle for the usual? We won't.
The Stones still haven't announced their plans for their 50th anniversary. As for the demands, a spokeswoman for the Stones was unavailable for comment.
7) From Dan to Mick...Please stand still and put some effort into your singing. And no more Belly Shirts!