Look, I know you're busy. Especially on a Monday. You like sports but you don't have all damn day to sit around digesting everything that happened in the last few days.
So, here's my gift to you- the 4 sentence sports update.
VP of football operations John Elway says he’s not panicking over the team’s 2-3 record but in order to give the Broncos the best chance to win he is petitioning the league to extend games to 5 quarters starting next week.
Saints QB Drew Brees breaks Johnny Unitas’s 50 yr old record for consecutive games with a touchdown pass while suspended Saints coach Sean Peyton looks on from a skybox at the Superdome. Wanna know the difference between me and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell? When I tell my kids they’re grounded, they actually STAY grounded.
Rockies manager Jim Tracy resigns rather than relinquish control to the team’s front office. If the front office thinks they’ve earned the right to MORE control based on their track record it’s official: the lunatics have now taken over the asylum.
Broncos lose a tough one in New England 31-21:- Related: Willis McGahee misses team flight after fumbling his boarding pass on the tarmac just 10 yards short of the plane door.
Two shows tonight, folks! Tip your waitress! Try the veal!!